Posted by: SisuGirl | April 3, 2007

Life importance

Have you ever taken the time to really think and analyse what is important to you in your life? Why you like doing something and why it is important or special? What you would give up if you had “that job” or moved to “that place”? What would happen if you…or what would happen of you didnt? If you waited or if you rushed or if you didnt take any action at all? What kind of impact would the little changes you made/make have on your life?

I’m not talking about the “What if’s” that we all have in our minds but about the decisions that you and I make. I was talking to J on the phone and P in person yesterday and they both helped me to realise that there are just somethings that I wont give up to have a “normal” job that my family and friends want for me. I will not chain myself to a desk. I will not serve food or drink unless its a party or to my family. I will not take a job that is unfullfillling. I dont mind being poor in the pocket when I am rich in experiances and in my soul. Fishing time with J is essential to my wellbeing. Working with students/kids is important to me. I have to have a job that provides housing.

This last one is really the key to my life here in SE Alaska. I did some math yesterday and found out that if I was working as a sub every workable day of the year, after taxes, housing, food, insurance and car necessities, I would make less than $2500 a year. Then I realised that I made a math mistake and that school is only in session 180 days a year and that number became signifantly smaller. Housing here is as killer and grocery prices are thru the roof too. Anyway, I have come to a crossroads in my life and realise that if I dont get one of two jobs, I will have to revert to plan C which is fishing with J. And I am OK with that. The better part of that plan is that he is too. We are excited about the prospect of fishing together for the long term and know that we can make it work. Granted, we would like to be like “normal” fishing couples where I have a land based job that gives a steady income while he provides the greater portion of said income but on a varied basis. I have come to the point in my life where I need a home base to travel from and come home to. That sense of permanence is getting more pushy in my subconsious lately and I am very aware of turning 27 this year. I know that 27 isnt “old” but in my mind and what I want for myself, it just is.

I would never have expected to be *here* in this time of my life but in hindsight, I really had no idea of *where* I wanted to be. I think the rough idea of “have a job and a house, maybe a husband and kids” was enough to let me be fluid and go with the flow of things. The idea of having life planned out appeals to me but freaks me out all at the same time and I have no real idea of where I am going or what the heck I am doing.

I do know one thing for certain though. I love who I am and the openness of possibility that lies at my feet.

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